Promises

I'm here cuz I promised myself I would come. It's 4 minutes shy of midnight as this post gets started and so It still counts as Wednesday's post.

I promised myself I would come here everyday. Promised that I would get something anything onto the screen. I make myself a lot of promises. Sometimes I keep them even when I don't want to, like now. Mostly, I just say aww fuck it! and do something else instead.

You know like losing weight. There's only one way to do it, eat right and exercise. Staying on the sofa is so much easier, and dark chocolate is so tasty! So hard to keep that promise. Especially when getting high during the day leaves me with the munchies all afternoon and evening. So here is another promise. Next time I get high during the day, I have to prep only healthy snacks to munch on before I take the first toke...

Our weed walks are really interesting. Sometimes I psychoanalyze her, sometimes I psychoanalyze myself, and sometimes we laugh so hard it hurts. It's funny to see the parallels in our lives, and also the differences. Makes me feel better to know everyone has shit to deal with, but you do, and move on.

Here's another promise that we made. No bitching when we walk. While we were walking down the street high as hell and laughing our asses off, I realized that the only females I ever see walking down the street and laughing like idiots are teenagers. Everyone else uses their daily walk with a friend just to bitch about the latest unimportant, uninteresting crap that happened since they last saw each other. We vowed we wouldn't and we promptly broke that promise.

It's ok though, as long as we stick to our promise more often than not it's all good

Third day in a row! Lets hear it for the new record!! Had the most amazing sex last night. I was faded, and after the first orgasm I realized that I was still really horny. Usually I'm too sensitive to go again so quickly, but it felt good and since he needed time to recover I just laid back and explored myself.

I'd never really taken the time to get to know the territory down there. Weird huh? Especially with all the sex I have, and all the solo sex on top of that I should be a pro. I'm not. It's a sensitive spot and I usually just go with the tried and true.

Last night I let my fingers slip between my pussy lips and feel the silky delicate parts of my sex. Let my finger tease my clit, felt as the slippery wetness spread, and my finger followed to parts unknown. Felt how perfectly it all fit together. I took my time and enjoyed every moment of it, imagining what it would feel like to have a girl with some serious skills touch me in all the right places.

After a while thoughts drifted back to the hubby and I wished we could fuck again. Then I realized that there was nothing stopping us but my own inaction. I worried it would go bad. What if I lost interest? What if he did? But my fears were unfounded. We both found our second wind and round 2 was just as good.

When round 2 was over, I was still filled with naughty sexual fantasies and realized I was aching to write, and so that's how I found myself up till 3 a.m. writing about it.

And now, with only 3 hours of sleep I'm here again. Doing what had been impossible only a few days ago.

Clocking In

They say it takes 10,000 hours to become a master of your craft. What ever that craft may be. So this is me plugging in my time for today. I took a little me time today. Usually when my honey is home from work I get to just follow him around like a puppy dog all day. This time I went about my regular routine of cleaning up before going on my walk with a friend. She didn't want to walk today, but I wanted desperately to get out of the house and chat with someone I don't see all the time.

Plus I wanted to get faded and reflect on my own thoughts for a little bit. So I did, and I did. Hearing some of the crazy drama she's seen makes me feel better about my own. Everyone goes through crazy and boring shit. I'm not the only weirdo. I just have to write. Sit down here and pluck away at the keys till it starts pouring out of me again.

I can write myself happy, sad, or horny depending on what I'm writing. Usually I go with my mood, but sometimes I can go against it. It's a bit like pulling teeth, but when I'm in the writing groove I can pull it off. Too bad I'm not there yet. Right now, I feel all over the place, and right now my writing is all over the place too.

Sorry you had to come here and read this less than inspiring post, but like I said I'm just punching in the clock. Now it's time to clock out.

I used to blog a lot. I can't even begin to tell you what went wrong. Did life get boring? Have I turned shy? Maybe I decided it was time to keep some stuff private. I don't know the reason. What I do know is that it has become almost impossible to start doing it again. I have deleted numerous posts that have contained anywhere from one to two sentences to several paragraphs. I've even deleted all content from several blogs.

I miss writing. I miss sitting down in front of my computer and letting my fingers help me work through my shit. Old shit, new shit, awesome shit, scary shit. Something from my past nagging me? Just like a masseuse working on a troublesome knot, my fingers help me work it all out. I always came away feeling happier, calmer, and satisfied. Lately the opposite is true.

Writing sucks right now. It feels like writing and I have been intimate for so long. Writing knows all my deep dark secrets. You know, the ones you regret sharing. You know what happened next. It became awkward. After awkward comes the break up. Is that what this is? Are we at the break up stage? Or will I cling to this relationship like a virgin will cling to the first guy she bangs?

Here's another question, why are there so many questions in this post? Usually I ask and answer as I go. Usually I figure it all out by the time I key in the final period.

I searched the spa for hot chicks and secluded areas for a quick hook up. It was slim pickings in both areas. Perhaps designed to prevent a wild romp under a weeping willow. The only area suitble for a hot and heavy makeout session was a cold pool tucked away and surrounded by plants and bamboo fencing on 3 sides. People hopped in and quickly hopped back out again in search of warmer waters. I wadded in chest deep and while my friends chatted about who knows what my mind wandered into the gutter, picturing a tanned blonde in a white bikini slipping into the pool behind me. She comments on my tattoo (angel wings which I don't have yet) and by magic of this being my fantasy there's no need for chit chat. My hand is on the small of her back pulling her toward me and hooking my thumbs under her bikini. We kiss as she presses her warm body up against mine, her hand following the
contours of my body up to the nape of my neck as goosebumps break out in her wake.

at the spa today, only my second time ever, though last time was with a girl who's panties i was trying to get into (even though she didn't wear any) last time was also a lot more private, we had the place to ourselves, and enjoyed the spa naked. this spa on the other hand is completely packed! makes me wonder how much fun or relaxing is going to be happening. On another note there are mostly middle aged unattractive women so that blows my fantasy of a random hot spring hookup. So what am i to do?

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my relationship stands on thin ice. Things seem safe and secure on the surface. But below are where the sharks live. Below is a stock pile of pain and suffering. Below are card catalogs of insults and trespasses.

Every so often something happens to flip the world upside down. Reality turns into a screaming match. Reality for a while becomes hell. Becomes the realization that this is all just a lot of shit. That other place, up there, is all a lie. Down here everything has sharp teeth, and seeks to tear the flesh. And down here is where it's real. Down here lies the truth. Down here you can see. Down here the masks are gone. Down here, he's just a man like every other. Down here all I feel is hate. Hatred of those eyes, and that lying mouth. When I'm down here all I want is OUT! All I want is to be done with this relationship for good. That way I can clean it up. Throw away the catalogs, throw away the memories, and start all over.