It's been a while since i've written anything. even a simple email. I think I've entered one of those periods where I detach from everyone. Where apathy sets in and I find it pointless to continue to cultivate the relationships I've worked so hard to obtain. I'm not sure why I do this, perhaps I do it to maintain the status quo. Maybe I'm afraid of what I'll find out about myself. Maybe I'm afraid of change. I do know that I want to snap out of this. I do know that I need to get out there and talk to people, meet people. Have some fun, take some chances. It all sounds so good on paper, via text, and in my head. But when it comes time to do, I can't find the courage. I don't want to rely on the bottled kind either. I want to be strong enough to go for it with out any help. Maybe it's just like dancing. There's all this fear, this worry of being inadequate at it, and all I need to do is
just say fuck it! and jump in with both feet. I may just find I'm pretty good at it.

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