Spiritually I belong in a different time. I should have been listening to acid rock, dancing naked, and enjoying a high afternoon. It's been a long time since hippies walked the streets, but it's time for a new revolution. Can't you feel it? The disquiet in the nation? People losing hope, unhappy with the way things are, with where things are going. children unsure about their future. How long will people continue down society's path before they realize there isn't one? How long before people realize that there is always the possibility of something else. For those that are brave enough, reckless enough, and crazy enough to do it. I don't know where my path is anymore. I used to. used to be able to see it quite clearly opening up in the grass before me where THC unloced the door and I walked through. Unlocked the noise in my mind and let me see what I wanted. Let me speak freely and
create without boundries. The time will come again.

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Let's update shall we? The thing with the virgin fizzled out. We did go out one more time but it was meah. Insanity is behind me. I hated the super intensity of it and lack of results. We wrote an offer on a house, so we'll see how that goes. I haven't pieced together work for my naughty book but I will start working on that. We go to two swinger parties this week. My goal for that is to flirt with people. Vodka and OJ should help with that. Motherhood is draining my life's energy, thats not an update, just a fact of life! The kids are doing great in school and looking forward to the possible move. I have mixed emotions over it, which are probably tied to my refusal to grow up. I'll update you on how the parties went. goodbye for now.

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I'm a sex fiend. I have close to 1,000 orgasms every year. Yes, just about 3 per day, most days. most of those are achieved flying solo and without mechanical aid. The cost of batteries and replacing gadgets who's motors burn out on me can be pretty expensive.
It all started with that first toe curling orgasm I shared with my friend "X" in 2nd grade. I don't just love the orgasm. I love the whole thing. The build up, the anticipation, the caresses, and the act. I live my life constantly aware of my sexuality and the pleasures i can derive from it. I wear revealing tops because I love to look down at my own succulent cleavege. I walk through the mall looking at all the sexy people and delighting in fantasies of being pulled into a secluded hallway and feeling their hungry mouths fall upon my nipples. I may indeed be an addict, but this is an addiction that I don't want to give up. There are too many girls I haven't experienced yet. I'm having fun and as of yet am not hurting anyone.

I've seen it over and over again, a group of people hanging out together, where most are texting. Not just a quick text, close the phone and put it away. They are carrying on full blow conversations with people that aren't there while tuning out the conversation going on aroud them. That is of course if the one or two people not texting are able to carry one on. Iv'e seen husbands ignoring wives and children at Disneyland. More content to text than to see their daughters face light up as the Dumbo ride begins. What is going on? People seem to be losing the ability to actually talk to one another. Soon text words will replace real words on kids school assignments. It happens to me from time to time. Is technology better for us? Hundreds of people in our contact lists, in some cases thousands on our friends list. All for what? People you will not meet and who provide you with nothing more
than confirmation you are popular, witty, or beautiful. I know I'm guilty of all of the above. Scary

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Goals. What are my goals right now? Well writing... and losing weight... and definately having more fun. The weight loss is under control, the writing comes and goes, but the having more fun has become difficult. I will not start going out without Alex. I don't want to cause drama in my life. The other problem hindering all the fun is meeting girls. I really need to work on flirting. I never really mastered it, I didn't need to. That was one of the things I loved about Jayme. She was such a natural. A true social butterfly. Now if all of that came from the bottom of an addios m*f* thats another issue. But ah how I wish I possed that talent. All the girls I would fuck, all the free drinks I would score. Thats something I want to work on.

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sometimes clubbing sucks. usually thats when we are clubbing alone. there is no convo. no flirting. just him and i. bored of each other. i hate when this happens. i'd rather be at home with him passed out and me in la la fantasy land.

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I have to wonder what am I doing? Do these things ever work out? Is it worth my time? I don't know the answers. I'd like to think that if nothing else it's a way to pass the time. I'd like to think that the current girl I'm talking to is going to be the next one in my bed. I think that with every girl. This one in particular is the 3rd one this month. This one is different though. She's a virgen. Which I think makes her an unlikely candidate. I don't think even in her wildest dreams she thought her first time would be a threesome. I think she's just intrigued by my experiences and wonders what it would be like. Even if nothing comes of it, I'll come away with a new perspective and story idea. Who knows? She may never have thought her first time would be with a guy and girl, but that doesn't mean it won't be. She likes me, she met Alex, he's sweet and non threatening. Either way I'm
excited to see what happens.

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