guys are such creeps... not my guy of course. but other guys. been hooking up with this chick we'll call j. her man is all about trying to get a threesome. guys like him give other guys like mine a bad name. make girls weary of girls like me. girls that are looking for threesomes. those fucking lame ass guys that make it harder for me and my guy to hook up. i met a few hot chicks tonight too only one of them number worthy. but she was weary too. and why? cuz most guys are dogs! so what must a hot girl and her decent man do to get laid? one thing i do have to say though is that i'm finally over being shy. the worst a girl can say is that she's straight. and apparently hot straight chicks are hard to come by ;) i found several hot girls that love girls. and while i'd love to fuck all of them... I'm looking for the one that will fuck us both

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I'm jumping for joy. I was offered a job earlier this week and today got a call with another offer. Both from people that I've worked with in the past. It feels good to know that I've left a good impression on old bosses and that they'd seek me out to offer me a job. It made me realize that sometimes when things seem bleak, they seem that way because that is how we feel. Not because things really are that way. It seems to work out for me that when ever I really desire a job an opportunity presents itself. But I don't just think it good luck. I think it happens because I get in the right mind set. I start talking to old contacts-not asking for a job- but just to say hi. It keeps me in their thoughts and when some one says they are looking they think of me.

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What does it say about me that I'd love to have a girlfriend for my husband and I? Does it say I don't really love my husband? Or that I'll do anything to keep him? I'm sure some people would say that. But they'd be way off the mark. I love my husband very much and he gives me everything I need and want from a man. The thing is that aside from what he can give me I need something else. I love feeling his strong hard body against mine, but I also crave a soft curvey body. I love pleasing him and feeling him inside me but I crave pleasing a woman too. The fact that it's more fun to have them both at the same time is just me being honest. The fact that I am not bothered seeing my man with another woman shows how secure I am in our relationship. Sex is fun. Life is ment to be fun. I don't let someone elses hang ups affect the way I live my life.

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It's been a while since i've written anything. even a simple email. I think I've entered one of those periods where I detach from everyone. Where apathy sets in and I find it pointless to continue to cultivate the relationships I've worked so hard to obtain. I'm not sure why I do this, perhaps I do it to maintain the status quo. Maybe I'm afraid of what I'll find out about myself. Maybe I'm afraid of change. I do know that I want to snap out of this. I do know that I need to get out there and talk to people, meet people. Have some fun, take some chances. It all sounds so good on paper, via text, and in my head. But when it comes time to do, I can't find the courage. I don't want to rely on the bottled kind either. I want to be strong enough to go for it with out any help. Maybe it's just like dancing. There's all this fear, this worry of being inadequate at it, and all I need to do is
just say fuck it! and jump in with both feet. I may just find I'm pretty good at it.

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