fuck fuck fuck

not high right now but maybe i should be. i think i need to be high in order to say what i really want to say. otherwise i over think it, i censor it, i keep it bottled up. will he ever read this? i don't know. i worry that he'll be hurt, he'll be embarrassed, he'll be mad.

but what about me?!?! i'm frustrated, i'm horny, i'm in need! i need to get fucked the way i want to get fucked. i need to get fucked by someone that can just do me so fucking good. get fucked by someone that knows exactly how far to go, when to stop, and how to make me fucking melt. i need someone that can get me out of my head.

do you know what i'm talking about when i say that? touch me, lick me, fuck me so good that i forget about everything else. all that exists in the world is just u and i and that thing you happen to be doing to me in this moment. isn't that what we all want?

i may sound a little greedy telling you what i want, but i'm not. i'm a giver, a pleaser, and certainly a teaser. i know i'm good in bed. i know i give good head. i know how to work it just right. but i'm tired. tired of always being the one giving and never the one receiving. when i do receive i'm tired of being disappointed.

i hate the thought of being a crappy fuck. fucking hate it! but i'm at the point where i'm going to give what i get. i don't know if it's going to work but i'm barely hanging on right now. i'm fucking desperate for some amazingly awesome fucking sexual encounter.