Goals. What are my goals right now? Well writing... and losing weight... and definately having more fun. The weight loss is under control, the writing comes and goes, but the having more fun has become difficult. I will not start going out without Alex. I don't want to cause drama in my life. The other problem hindering all the fun is meeting girls. I really need to work on flirting. I never really mastered it, I didn't need to. That was one of the things I loved about Jayme. She was such a natural. A true social butterfly. Now if all of that came from the bottom of an addios m*f* thats another issue. But ah how I wish I possed that talent. All the girls I would fuck, all the free drinks I would score. Thats something I want to work on.

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sometimes clubbing sucks. usually thats when we are clubbing alone. there is no convo. no flirting. just him and i. bored of each other. i hate when this happens. i'd rather be at home with him passed out and me in la la fantasy land.

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I have to wonder what am I doing? Do these things ever work out? Is it worth my time? I don't know the answers. I'd like to think that if nothing else it's a way to pass the time. I'd like to think that the current girl I'm talking to is going to be the next one in my bed. I think that with every girl. This one in particular is the 3rd one this month. This one is different though. She's a virgen. Which I think makes her an unlikely candidate. I don't think even in her wildest dreams she thought her first time would be a threesome. I think she's just intrigued by my experiences and wonders what it would be like. Even if nothing comes of it, I'll come away with a new perspective and story idea. Who knows? She may never have thought her first time would be with a guy and girl, but that doesn't mean it won't be. She likes me, she met Alex, he's sweet and non threatening. Either way I'm
excited to see what happens.

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I've seen it over and over again, a group of people hanging out together, where most are texting. Not just a quick text, close the phone and put it away. They are carrying on full blow conversations with people that aren't there while tuning out the conversation going on aroud them. That is of course if the one or two people not texting are able to carry one on. Iv'e seen husbands ignoring wives and children at Disneyland. More content to text than to see their daughters face light up as the Dumbo ride begins. What is going on? People seem to be losing the ability to actually talk to one another. Soon text words will replace real words on kids school assignments. It happens to me from time to time. Is technology better for us? Hundreds of people in our contact lists, in some cases thousands on our friends list. All for what? People you will not meet and who provide you with nothing more
than confirmation you are popular, witty, or beautiful. I know I'm guilty of all of the above. Scary

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Goals. What are my goals right now? Well writing... and losing weight... and definately having more fun. The weight loss is under control, the writing comes and goes, but the having more fun has become difficult. I will not start going out without Alex. I don't want to cause drama in my life. The other problem hindering all the fun is meeting girls. I really need to work on flirting. I never really mastered it, I didn't need to. That was one of the things I loved about Jayme. She was such a natural. A true social butterfly. Now if all of that came from the bottom of an addios m*f* thats another issue. But ah how I wish I possed that talent. All the girls I would fuck, all the free drinks I would score. Thats something I want to work on.

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Working out sucks! I hate dreading the workout. I hate working out during the workout. The only part I like is being done.
Doing the Insanity workout is even worse. It's just go go go. My calves are on fire my quads are on fire and the arches of my feet KILL me. It's been a little over 2 weeks. By now I expected to not be sore anymore. But because it's so intense I'm working out at max ability and it's just a new soreness every day.
Right now the biggest problem I'm facing is my candy cravings. I just can't seem to keep my hands off the junk food as long as there is some in the house. Chocolate is the worst! I'm ok for most of the day, but once it hits like 3 o'clock thats it it's over. I guess thats something I need to work on for the remaining 45 days.
Ahhh... only 45 days of torture left. Well I'll be sure to fill you in on how it went... if I survive ;)

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revising my goals for 2010. There is only one way to make progress in life. That is, you figure out where you want to be and then plot your course. For example. In 08 I wanted a girlfriend. well I got one. An alcoholic one that I regretted but I still got one. In 09 i really wanted to lose weight. I started P90X in April and lost 25 lbs. There were pleanty of other things I wanted those years as well. But those were the ones I fought for. What do I want now is the question. Well I want
1 lose 25 more lbs
2 a JOB
3 a house
4 get something published!
5 i want to have more fun
Now I just need to focus on doing it. Make sure I keep my eyes on the prize and work to get there. I usually tend to be single minded in the persuit of a goal. This time I really need to focus on them all.

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